Late night ramblings

There is a champagne glass on my nightstand from Christmas Eve.  It looks extremely out of place among all the water cups.  It is emblematic of the kind of lazy, non-productive life I've been leading over break. 

Break has made my circadian rhythm somewhat fucked up, and that is why I am posting at 5 a.m.  I can't sleep.  

The paperboy just delivered the New York Times.  I generally judge the successfulness of my Saturday nights by whether or not I witness the guy delivering the New York Times.   He always comes before the guy delivering the Raleigh paper.   I guess the bigger outfits are more efficient.  You can hardly call them paperboys anymore. It looks like a black guy in an SUV from out my window.   Far cry from my Dad on his bicycle delivering the afternoon paper in Old Saybrook.  Do afternoon papers even exist anymore? Nightly news and the internet seem to have made them obsolete. Must look more into this.  Although being a paperboy has changed some, the same general principle applies.  You have to be able to throw the newspaper into the general vicinity of the lawn.  NYT guy makes a pretty half assed attempt, and it lands nowhere near the house.  It's not even like we have a big front lawn (one of my mother's grievances, among others) I wonder if the "paperboy" wonders why someone is awake at 5 a.m. He's probably thinking, "Why the fuck does someone elect to be awake at this hour?  I wish I could be in bed with my wife."

This post turned out way longer than intended.  Goodnight.  

Mall Exploits

I went to the mall yesterday.  I know that is typically not advisable during this time of year, but whatever.  The mall is one of my favorite places, and I am not embarrassed to admit it.  Going to the mall recharges my batteries, so to speak.  If I had to estimate the amount of hours I have spent in the mall since the age of 1..I wouldn't because I am trying to make a good impression with my readers.  Anyway, I know the mall like the back of my hand.  Where is J. Crew? On the right bottom diagonal from Yankee Candle and next to Forever 21.  Duh.  I even know where stores that your average 18 (almost 19!) year old girl would not know about are.  Electronics Boutique? It's to the left of the food court.  Why do I know that? Because I'm a super cool gamer. Actually no, because I have two brothers who often require Christmas presents in the form of video games.

Going to the mall on December 20th at 3:00 p.m. is pretty much a death wish, and I was fully aware of that fact when I decided to go.  I guess I rationalized the trip a little bit in my mind because I figured that all those crazy people who trampled a guy on Black Friday would have already finished their Christmas shopping and were at home cutting out coupons for Valentine's Day, eliminating a sizable proportion of the shopping population.  However, it became apparent how ill advised my little aunt was as I tried to find a parking spot.   I guess people that procrastinate their Christmas shopping until December 21st are apt to be even worse than crazy Black Friday shoppers.                 

Have you ever heard the expression, "When country comes to town?" This expression can entirely sum up the populace of Crabtree Valley mall yesterday.  Whole generations of families from..I don't know..Lewisburg, let's say..decide to pile their entire family into the minivan and make a little trip to the big city of Ral-lay! It is a requirement that these families all walk 5 abreast, from tiniest tot to Grandma, at a speed of exactly 0.2 miles per hour.

"Why, Eustice! Look ovah theyuh! It's that Yankee Candle store! I heard tell of that store, but I ain't nevuh set foot in one!" Cue everyone in the family stopping dead in their tracks, and peering in at the Yankee Candle store.  Cue me nearly running into Junior's stroller.  

Where to next, Lewisburgians? Ah, Eastern Lucky Bamboo.  Here's a store, no, let's not give it that much credit, rather, a kiosk, that's always puzzled me.  Exactly how much demand is there for a store that sells fake bamboo and those little moving pictures with rushing water sounds that are mounted on the walls at China Buffett? Well, evidently a lot, because it's managed to stay in business for at least 3 years now, despite the fact that I have never seen anyone perusing it in all my time spent at the mall.  Until now.  The Lewisburg Family stops to admire the stand and I bolt left into William Sonoma to take comfort in some free samples of hot chocolate and peppermint bark.                     

Let's preface the next part of this entry by saying that I go to a small school where there is no acceptable shopping within a 100 mile radius.  Thus I am reduced to a copious amount of online shopping.  I have been notorious at the Student Post Office since Day One, and I will venture to say that the looks on the faces of the employees there sour when they see me.  Because of this, I try to get a lot of shopping done when I'm in Raleigh.  You know, to save the SPO workers some grief.  So here I am in Belk's yesterday, shopping for myself.  I know, gasp.  I must be a selfish bitch to not be shopping for Christmas gifts for others.  Well you know what bitchy saleswoman that won't take the heaping pile of clothes and put them in a dressing room? Maybe I'm already done with my Christmas shopping.  Maybe I've been done since July.  Maybe I am like Mary Kate and Ashley in every show/movie and I only have a Dad and he makes me buy Christmas gifts for myself because he is inept at shopping for girls.  You don't know.  So let's get these clothes in a dressing room, mmk?

So I've settle on some figure flattering purchases and I'm ready to checkout and move to my next location.  That's how you have to think of the mall during Christmas; as a mission with locations.

"Would you like these giftwrapped?"

"Uh, no, thanks," I mumble.  For the first time, I feel slightly guilty that I am not buying Christmas gifts for others.  Should I act like these are gifts for a twin sister who is my exact same size? Panic sets in.  No; stupid.  Not worth the effort the saleswoman would put into wrapping.  Don't want to waste paper and kill the environment and..whatever.

"I'm sorry??" The saleswoman peers over her glasses as if she can't fathom me buying stuff for myself on December 20th.

"NoIdon'tneeditgiftwrapped."

"Excuse me?"

"NO! I don't need it gift wrapped! I AM SELFISH and all this stuff is FOR ME!" OK, so I obviously didn't say that.  But seriously.  Salespeople and their inflated senses of morality.  I grab my bags and walk out into the cold rain.  Despite this Scrooge-like post, I am still excited for Christmas!